- LATIN AMERICA
- MIDDLE EAST
- United Kingdom
- United States
- New Zealand
- South Africa
- Oil & Gas
- Real Estate
- 3M (MMM)
- AT&T (T)
- AIG (AIG)
- Alcoa (AA)
- Altria (MO)
- American Express (AXP)
- Apple (AAPL)
- Bank of America (BAC)
- Boeing (BA)
- Caterpillar (CAT)
- Chevron (CVX)
- Cisco (CSCO)
- Citigroup (C)
- Coca Cola (KO)
- Dell (DELL)
- DuPont (DD)
- Eastman Kodak (EK)
- ExxonMobil (XOM)
- FedEx (FDX)
- General Electric (GE)
- General Motors (GM)
- Google (GOOG)
- Hewlett-Packard (HPQ)
- Home Depot (HD)
- Honeywell (HON)
- IBM (IBM)
- Intel (INTC)
- Int'l Paper (IP)
- JP Morgan Chase (JPM)
- J & J (JNJ)
- McDonalds (MCD)
- Merck (MRK)
- Microsoft (MSFT)
- P & G (PG)
- United Tech (UTX)
- Wal-Mart (WMT)
- Walt Disney (DIS)
- iHaveNet.com: Recipes
By Lindsay Lyon
How using positive psychology can make a big difference in your closest and most important relationships.
3 wrong ways -- and 1 right way -- to respond to good news from your spouse
Close relationships is one area of life where using positive psychology can make a big difference.
According to Shelly Gable, associate professor of psychology at the University of California-Santa Barbara, an important key to understanding a relationship's strength is how it works in good times, not just whether it withstands the bad.
Gable has been researching what goes right in close relationships for years.
By studying hundreds of couples, she's found that when romantic partners disclose positive news, how the other reacts matters -- a lot. In fact, partners' reactions to each other's good news can better predict the quality of a relationship--and whether it will endure -- than can partners' reactions to bad news, says Gable.
"Reacting in a positive way not only reinforces bonds, but it also shows that person that in negative times you'll be there," says Gable.
Positive reactions also magnify the uplifting effects of the good news for the partner who's doing the sharing, she notes. A negative or semi-positive response to a partner's good news, however, can undercut all the benefits derived from disclosing in the first place, such as fostering trust, intimacy, and satisfaction with the relationship, she says.
Surprisingly, Gable has found that out of four possible ways to respond to a partner's positive news, only one -- an "active constructive response" -- is good
Couples whose partners respond in any of three less positive ways are at greater risk of calling it quits down the line.
Consider the following example she often gives to illustrate:
Your significant other comes home, beaming, and announces that he just got a great promotion at work. You could react with:
1. An active constructive response
"That's great, you've earned it, I'm so proud of you!" followed by questions. This conveys enthusiasm, support, and interest.
2. A passive constructive response
"Great job, honey!" then shifting to the next topic. Like dinner.
3. An active destructive response
Gable dubs this "finding the cloud in a silver lining response"
"Wow! Does this mean you'll be working later hours? Are they going to be paying you more? I can't believe they picked you out of all the candidates." Just generally deflating.
4. A passive destructive response
Can take either of two forms: "Wow! Wait until I tell you what happened to me today," which is very self-focused, or, "What's for dinner?" which ignores the event altogether.
Explore More Health & Wellness
- The Power of Positive Thinking Is Psychology's Latest Focus
- How Positive Psychology Increases Happiness
- Positive Psychology & Relationships
- Exercise Boosts Your Brainpower; Intensity Matters
- Why People Tell Lies & Why White Lies are Okay
- Positive Emotional Psychology: Daily Diet of Positive Emotions
- How Humor Can Help Stave Off Heart Attacks & Strokes
- 3 Tips for Boosting Your Fitness as You Age: One Triathlete's Advice
- Walking is a Step in the Right Direction Towards Fitness
- Common Questions About Weight Loss
- Tai Chi Health Benefits
- Swimming: Take the Plunge for Your Heart
- Smart Fitness for Grown-Ups: Tips for the Over-40 Exerciser
- Vegetarian Diets & Men's Health Benefits
- Statins & Prostate Cancer
- Genetic Screening for Prostate Cancer
- Allergic Rhinitis: Your Nose Knows
- Sexuality & Seniority
- Enlarged Prostate, Proscar Medication & Osteoporosis
- Ten Commandments of Cancer Prevention
Positive Psychology in Your Most Important Relationships
Article: Copyright © Tribine Media Services