Humor by Mark Bazer
I've always washed my hands a lot. Before meals, after meals, after touching people and things, after waving hello in potentially dirty air. ...
This used to be considered something of a sickness. Now, it seems, I'm a pioneer.
Hand washing is in the news because of a groundbreaking hand-washing study that has made previous hand-washing research obsolete and changed the field of Hand-Washing Studies as we know it.
Here are the facts from the study: Ninety-six percent of adults say they wash their hands in public restrooms. And of the four percent who don't, two percent say they badly want to wash but don't understand the instructions posted on the wall.
These are astounding numbers, but here's the rub:
The researchers, from the
The discrepancy may be because some people who don't wash their hands lie and say they do. But it seems more likely that people didn't wash because they wanted to quickly leave a restroom in which someone was standing there watching them. Especially if he had a clipboard.
Anyhow, before we move on, here's the LOCAL ANGLE:
Chicago tied San Francisco for the "best-observed hand washing" at 89 percent, and the "best overall hand-washing regimen" was at the
All told, hand-washing rates are higher than they've ever been since washing your hands was invented in 1996. Or maybe that's when they started studying hand washing; I read the press release rather quickly.
You probably didn't need a study to know this. From hand-sanitizer dispensers in offices to wipes on the way into grocery stores, society has caught up with us germaphobes. We always knew you would.
But is it doing any good? Are we, for example, getting fewer colds than we used to, or is it just turning everybody into neurotic, paranoid freaks?
Let's go to the ultimate authority, the government agency the
In other words, they have absolutely no clue.
Far be it from me to suggest people wash their hands less, but the last thing I want is for people to someday go crazy by adopting my hygienic routine. Heck, I wash my hands after washing my hands.
So, maybe it's time to be a pioneer again. Starting now, I'll stop washing my hands after using public restrooms if you do. C'mon, let's shake on it.
Humor & Satire
- A Smashing Time That Was Good for Some
- Boy, Do We Like to Watch
- Please Don't Feed the Twins
- Parenting: Don't Think. It Can Only Hurt the Team
- Regrets. People Should Have a Few
- What I'll Miss About Bachelorhood
- Get That Nut Away From My Child!
- For the Love of the English Language
- It's Time to Win One for the Zipper
- Does Whatever a Lousy Title Can
- I Prefer My Preferences
- What Do You Do With a Gift Shop Gift
- Life and Religion
- The Action Pile
- Why I Hate Myself for Going to Starbucks
- Kicking the Bucket List
- The War of the Sandwiches
- In Praise of the Common Cold
- Nobody Wants a Bummer Ending
- The Anti-Social Network
- I Have Been Known to Save Things
- I'm King of the Burger!
- My Kids Have Weird Names, Too
- Get Off My Lawn
- Money for Nothing
- 50 Ways to Beat the Heat
- Things Not to Do Today
- Desire is a Terrible Disease
- Home, Sweet, Wet Home
- Bed-Buggin' Out
- I Want to Like Soccer
- New Jersey is the New Black
- I'm Not Looking Forward to 40
- Charity is Never Easy
- Is There an App for That?
- Paying Taxes is a Blast!
Humor & Funny Stories - Readers Must Wash Hands Before Turning the Page | Humor
Article: Copyright © Tribune Media Services