The Best of Andy Rooney

Not many of us would admit it, but our preferences save us a great deal of time in our lives. We already know what we think about almost everything and we don't have to think it through again every time the subject comes up.

I don't like carrots, veal, horseradish, tofu, or any dessert made with custard. I know what I like and I don't have to consider it every time I'm confronted with those things. My mind is set. I tried eating them once but I haven't eaten them ever again.

I like the month of January better than July because if I'm cold I can put on another piece of clothing, but in the summer, if it's hot, there's just so much I can take off. My life is dominated by my preferences. I like Saturdays better than Sundays, coffee better than tea, Coke better than Pepsi, dogs better than cats, peanut butter better than cashews, vanilla better than chocolate, football better than baseball, wrestling better than boxing, jazz better than classical music and work better than vacations. So sue me.

Every day of our lives involves doing some things we like and some things we don't like. I don't mind combing my hair, but I don't like to shave. I like a shower better than a bath. I don't object to cutting my fingernails, but I hate cutting my toenails.

I drive to work every morning and I like one route better than another, even though it takes longer to get to my destination. I prefer some shirts over others, and some I never wear. There are suits I always wear when they come back from the laundry and suits that are in my closet that I never wear.

I like football better than baseball, rye bread better than white, writing better than reading, bourbon better than scotch, swimming better than walking, the color green better than blue, women in skirts better than in pants, non-fiction better than fiction, and New York better than Los Angeles. They don't all make sense, but I'll never change at my age.

I've been thinking of all the things I prefer in my life. When I was young, Jack Dempsey boxed Gene Tunney, and I desperately wanted Tunney to win. I don't know why. But you know how the match ended. I didn't get what I wanted.

There are things about which most people will never change their minds. They like sweet better than sour, quiet vs. loud, fast not slow, tall better than short, rich over poor and thin over fat.

It's hard to say where our preferences come from. I don't think parents or friends pass them on very often. When it comes to preferences in life, we grow our own.

When I turn on the television to watch a program, there are people on screen that I instantly like or dislike. Don't ask me why. I think it has very little to do with what they're like or how they act on the show. Of course, I prefer CBS over the other networks because I work there. Watching television wouldn't seem the same to me if I didn't watch it from the same chair every night. I like my chair. The programs on TV change from year to year, but my chair is always the same -- comfortable and good.

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Humor & Funny Stories - I Prefer My Preferences | Andy Rooney

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