Humor by Mark Bazer
My family bought a home in Oak Park, Ill., three years ago. We moved there from the city for all the obvious reasons: the natural elements, from the vast beaches to the breathtaking mountains; the spirit of constant reinvention and creativity that pervades the place and its people; the multiple In-N-Out Burger locations.
Wait, that's Southern California. We moved to Oak Park because there was a good school and we wouldn't have to learn new street names.
Oh . . . AND THERE WERE NO PEOPLE RAISING BEES IN THEIR BACKYARDS!
Apparently, though, that's all about to change.
In blatant disregard for their future electability, Oak Park's village board members, writes Jim Jaworski in the
We can at least take comfort that the board "tentatively moved." That's smart when it comes to bees.
The vote, though, was 6-1!
The Tribune didn't quote the one guy who voted nay, but I imagine him saying, "Well, I opposed lifting the ban because I am extremely allergic to bees. If one stings me, I will probably die."
To which I imagine the rest of the board saying, "Ooh, bummer. If only you had voted with us when we wanted to declare all of our houses to be Frank Lloyd Wrights."
Seriously, who in his right mind votes for more bees in his community?
"All in favor of thousands of additional bees possibly in the backyard next to your home, say aye."
The only possible explanation for the six board members' actions is that several beekeepers were in attendance at the meeting, their fingers beginning to lift the covers of their hives, mouthing, "Don't think we won't do it."
Now, Jaworski writes, the board will vote one final time, after it "work(s) out details, such as a notification requirement for neighbors."
A notification requirement for neighbors? When you have to do the same thing required of child molesters, well, maybe it's not such a good idea in the first place.
(Note: I am NOT equating beekeepers with child molesters, even ones who molest their bees.)
In their defense, according to the Tribune, proponents of repealing the ban say "residents should not fear honey bees because they are less aggressive than wasps and hornets and sting only when provoked or cornered."
But, um, they DO sting, right?
- A Smashing Time That Was Good for Some
- Boy, Do We Like to Watch
- Please Don't Feed the Twins
- Parenting: Don't Think. It Can Only Hurt the Team
- Regrets. People Should Have a Few
- What I'll Miss About Bachelorhood
- Get That Nut Away From My Child!
- For the Love of the English Language
- It's Time to Win One for the Zipper
- Does Whatever a Lousy Title Can
- I Prefer My Preferences
- What Do You Do With a Gift Shop Gift
- Life and Religion
- The Action Pile
- Why I Hate Myself for Going to Starbucks
- Kicking the Bucket List
- The War of the Sandwiches
- In Praise of the Common Cold
- Nobody Wants a Bummer Ending
- The Anti-Social Network
- I Have Been Known to Save Things
- I'm King of the Burger!
- My Kids Have Weird Names, Too
- Get Off My Lawn
- Money for Nothing
- 50 Ways to Beat the Heat
- Things Not to Do Today
- Desire is a Terrible Disease
- Home, Sweet, Wet Home
- Bed-Buggin' Out
- I Want to Like Soccer
- New Jersey is the New Black
- I'm Not Looking Forward to 40
- Charity is Never Easy
- Is There an App for That?
- Paying Taxes is a Blast!
Humor & Funny Stories - No Bees, if You Please
Article: Copyright © Tribune Media Services