By Diane Farr

The Kardashian-Humphries wedding is reported to have netted $17.9 million. I don't think that even includes the $2 million ring (from the guy allegedly "mooching off of Kim") that kick-started this entire circus between a man, a woman, a cable TV outlet and every tabloid magazine on earth.

Nor does that purse include the millions of dollars in gifts given to America's sweetheart/sex-tape graduate on her big dress-up day. Doesn't it make you wonder what might happen to all of the gear Kim took home as wedding gifts now that the inevitable has come?

I'm not even talking about the thousand-dollar plates, ashtrays and solid gold napkin holders given to her and what's his name by their guests. Clearly those love tokens should be returned to the gift givers - which might just give a little jolt to our economy when sold on eBay one at a time.

Also consider the as-yet untotaled goods Kim raked in over the past 72 days for use in her now-defunct marriage. Were these wares - ranging from dresses and alcohol used on the day to beauty products, countertop appliances and personal electronics for her new married life - delivered to Kardashian Lane merely to ensure her a prosperous union this second time around? Or, as cynics might suggest, were they given to Kim in the hope brand names might be Twitter-name-dropped or seen on screen as part of her unending, and somewhat unexplainable, round-the-clock television coverage?

What if all this gear could be donated to Goodwill stores across America so that people who actually use kitchen counters as more than a place to sit on and gossip might be able to buy Kim's rhinestone-studded wooden spoon at a heavily discounted rate?

That would be like every Republican incumbent's tax plan in action! The rich putting their earnings back into society where the masses would spend the majority of a week's paycheck on these hand-me-downs - even before the season in which they were manufactured comes to an end.

With this awesome jolt to the economy, perhaps our right-wing presidential hopefuls - who mostly believe that gays might decimate the institution of marriage - would consider reality-star nuptials as a stimulus package. Here comes the talking point now: "We don't need to tax the rich - we just need more divorce!"

Occupy Wall Street Protesters go home! There is actually a point to Kim Kardashian after all! She might singlehandedly solve the injustice between the 4 percent and all the rest of us poor slobs by putting her millions of dollars in wedding extras right onto the open market.

When Ms. Kardashian first announced the split and asked for privacy during this troubling time - presumably by leaning into the microphone permanently attached to her shirt - she didn't immediately mention that she would be returning any money she received as a result of this little drama . . . but we can surely assume she will if it wasn't all a sham, right?

Because Kimmie is such a self-proclaimed "hard worker," I'm sure she wouldn't want to completely spit in the face of all her twittery-twits who must now feel duped for watching between two and 20 hours of her wedding-planning season and its "wrap party with a white dress and headband on." Just imagine when Kim does give back some of that $15 million E! paid her to the 4 million people who watched it! That's about $3.75 apiece. We po' folks can surely get some ice cream with it! Maybe even from the Kardashian ice-cream truck that only serves chaos and cream, coming soon to a neighborhood near you.

Of course if all those viewers who watched Kim's wedding don't demand at least a few dollars back for being tricked into thinking this fairytale was a wedding, we could see a surge in otherwise unemployable people making their living by kissing, marrying and divorcing during the life cycle of an amoeba.

Humor & Satire

Humor & Funny Stories - Could the Kardashian Divorce be the Answer to the Recession? | Humor - Diane Farr

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