What Are Your Preferences

Andy Rooney

We all have favorites. I know the people who are my favorites. I have foods I like, clothes I prefer to wear, places I like to go to, television shows I watch and politicians I vote for.

In every case, my preferences include the opposite -- people I hate, food I won't eat, television shows I skip and politicians I can't stand.

Many of my preferences are based on pure prejudice. I couldn't tell you why, but I've hated carrots for as long as I can remember. My mother didn't understand it and neither do I, but to this day, I won't eat a carrot. I like potatoes, squash, peas, beans and celery, but don't ask me to eat a carrot. I'm not saying it makes sense. If I were locked in a room full of carrots with nothing else to eat, I'd starve to death before I'd bite into one of them. I don't eat liver, Jell-O, custard, or tapioca, but especially I don't eat carrots.

Ice cream has always been one of my favorite foods.

When I was young, I hung out with two girls, twins, and another boy my age. We made ice cream several times a week and, to stay in good with them, we offered some to our parents. As I recall, we always made vanilla ice cream. It was before there were electric ice cream freezers so we alternated turning the freezer by hand. We never told our parents about it, but we made ice cream with the cream that came to about four inches from the top of the milk bottle. We filled the bottles to the top with milk so what we'd removed wouldn't show.

I don't like black shoes, even when I wear a blue suit. All my shoes are brown. I think of them as leather-colored.

My underwear has an elastic waistband, not buttons. I have favorite underwear, but what I put on depends on what's clean. My underwear is very satisfactory. I think women pay more attention to their underwear than men. (They pay more for theirs, I mean.)

I own six hats -- caps really -- but I never wear one. I've never cared much for hats, even in the winter.

The word "fedora" has fallen out of use but it doesn't really matter because men aren't wearing hats as much anymore.

I think garters are about gone, too. My socks all have elastic tops. I never liked garters; I always felt uncomfortable wearing them.

My grandfather had a friend who wore spats. Spats are long gone. I don't even think my father had spats. My grandfather, maybe.

Almost all of my shirts have button-down collars. I used to wear shirts that had little strips of plastic in slots in the collar. The shirts would be sent to the laundry and once they were ironed, the strips would be ruined.

There are eight pairs of shoes in my closet but I prefer to wear only two of them. I haven't bought a new pair of shoes in 10 years. Twenty, maybe! I guess I should wear the other six pairs so that the two I do wear don't wear out.

I never put anything in the back pocket of my pants. I prefer to keep my keys and cash in my front pockets.

Vests are almost as much of a thing of the past as spats. It may have something to do with the watches men carry. I was never a vest person. Men used to have pocketwatches, which they kept in their vests, but now we mostly wear wristwatches. The wrist is a better place for a watch than a pocket.

I wish there was some way to count the number of times I've worn something. I have preferences regarding my clothes. I've worn only a small number of the pants and shirts that I own. I should stick with my favorites and throw out anything I haven't worn in 10 years.

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