The Best of Andy Rooney
When I sit down to write a column, I often look through the newspaper, hoping to find an idea. It's tough sledding sometimes. I'm always amazed by how little I know about the world. I'm not proud to write this, but at least I'm honest. There's a lot to read about in the world and not enough time in the day for me to do that.
Today, for instance, there's a page one story with the headline, PAKISTANI ARMY SEEKS OVERHAUL IN GOVERNMENT.
I know little about Pakistan, but I'll bet the headline could just as well have read: GOVERNMENT SEEKS OVERHAUL IN PAKISTANI ARMY.
It wouldn't have meant anything more to me. That's nothing I'll be writing about anyway -- Pakistan or its army. I'm sure it's true that Pakistan's government or its
I don't have a lot of friends in Pakistan. If I did have friends living in Pakistan I would probably be more interested in the article.
Newspapers are filled with stories about problems in countries that I have no idea what to do about:
NORTH KOREANS BOLSTER POWER OF RULER'S KIN, another headline says.
You'll pardon me for not reading the story. I forget the name of the ruler of North Korea, and I certainly don't know his kin. Apparently, nobody know much about them. I'm not sure why writers even use the word "kin." I never do. Why don't they just say, "his son"?
Here's another page one story: HEVESI IS POISED TO PLEAD GUILTY IN PENSION CASE
I doubt if "poised" is the right word for Hevesi's state of mind, but if the case got this far, he may be guilty. I don't know much about Hevesi or what he did but if it was wrong, I'm glad they're getting him for it. I do remember that he was convicted of another charge a couple of years ago. His luck may have run out again.
Now I'm turning to the sports pages, where I do know something about the subject. The sports pages have stories I'm interested in reading. If the story is about baseball, you know what "three strikes and you're out" means. If the story is about football, you know that a touchdown and the kick afterwards are equal to seven points for the team.
Look at this headline: CRACKDOWN ON TOY SAFETY RULES PROVES NO FUN FOR TOY MAKERS
A page one story in the
I got a pogo stick that I loved as a present one Christmas, but I never see pogo sticks anymore. I'll bet it's because some parent sued the company that made them when their kid got hurt falling off one. It's like making cars illegal because there are auto accidents.
My mother was nervous about letting me have a two-wheeled bike but she finally got me one and I never fell off. The move from a three-wheeled bike to a two-wheeler is one of the major steps in a child's life. I rode my two-wheeled Ivor Johnson bike for five years and never had an accident. Of course, I never wore a helmet.
I can see the headline now: ANDY ROONEY BREAKS HIS NECK FALLING OFF A BIKE. Think I'd make page one?
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Humor & Funny Stories - There Are So Many Problems in the World | Andy Rooney
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