The Best of Andy Rooney

When I got home from work last night, I thought to myself that I should think of something to write about for my column this week. I decided to make a list of all the things I have to do in my house this weekend. Because it's been snowing, raining or hailing for the last six weeks, I have either postponed or delayed doing most of the things on my to do list. They are as follows:

-- Try to clean the snow off the back door to the house so I can get to the back yard.

-- Change the batteries in my remote control garage door opener.

-- Clean the snow off the front of the garage door so it can be opened.

-- Someone gave me a bird feeder three years ago, and I've been eager to hang it on a tree in the backyard, but haven't. Now, I have to clear off the snow and ice from the branches before that happens.

-- Purchase a new pair of snow boots; the last time I did that was 1980.

-- Call the repairman, because I think I have a leak in the bathroom ceiling.

-- Clean out my garage so I can get my car inside, protected from the weather.

-- Clean off the ice that's accumulated on the car while I haven't been able to get it in the garage.

-- Try to get my old snow blower repaired.

-- If I can't repair the snow blower, then throw it out.

-- Try to move the lawnmower out of the way of the garage door.

-- Make sure to pay my monthly bills.

-- Try to chip away at the ice on the cut wood stored at the side of the house so I can use it for the wood-burning stove in the kitchen.

-- When I was eating breakfast yesterday, I noticed that the kitchen table leg was wobbly, so it has to be repaired.

-- Someone has to call the fuel company, because the gauge on the side of the house reads, "low fuel."

-- Call the neighbors to find out if they're OK and thank them for watching the house.

-- Take the car in for service. The oil hasn't been changed in five months. I also need to have the tires checked for wear. I don't want to get a flat while driving in the snow.

-- Try to get my financial documents organized because we're approaching tax season. My accountant has already called to inform me that he wants my stuff early this year.

-- Make sure to call the kids to find out when they're coming for a visit.

-- Try not to waste so much time in front of the television set. But then I remember that the Super Bowl is this weekend.

-- Because it is Super Bowl weekend, someone has to go to the store to buy the junk food.

I have to try to organize my time better, so I can accomplish more in a day. There are just too many things to do on my to do list.

If I don't finish my tasks by Sunday night's big game, there's always next weekend!

The Best of Andy Rooney - Humor & Satire Classics

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