by Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney, Andy Rooney CBS 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney writer humorist television personality

In an idle moment, trying to come up with an idea, I decided to make a list of things I should do but have not. Try it sometime when you're not doing anything.

Maybe you'll want to make it seven or nine, but I decided to make it 10 because we all like even numbers.

Here's my list:

1. I should conduct my life the way I know I ought to and not the way I feel like conducting it.

If everyone did this, it would be a much better world. I know my life would be better, and I can't understand why I don't do what I know I should.

2. It would be smart if I went to bed earlier every night and got up earlier every morning.

What I do before noon every day is almost always better and more important than anything I do in the afternoon or between 6 and 10:30 at night. 10:30 is when I like to think I go to bed, but I don't really go to bed until 11.

3. It would make sense if I ate nothing but the things I know are good for me and didn't eat things that are fattening or otherwise detrimental to my health.

I know the foods but I can't make myself eat them.

4. I waste too much time talking on the telephone.

More than half of what I say is unnecessary. It wouldn't matter if I never made about half of all the calls. Of course, speaking of wasted time, I spend too much time in the shower, too. Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but I hardly ever take a bath in a bathtub. I used to take a bath all the time.

5. I should decide for myself what to watch on television and not let someone else at the network decide for me by leaving the set on when the program changes.

I like television but I don't think I waste as much time as I used to watching it.

6. It would be good if I read more, but I should be more careful about what I read.

Not everything written is worth reading. Of course, not everything written is worth writing, either. I know that well.

7. You don't make friends on purpose but you should make a point of keeping the ones you have on purpose.

I tried to make a list by separating the people I know from the people I like. I don't like all the people I know. They may not like me, either, of course, but that's their problem. I only have about six friends now who haven't been friends for at least 35 years. Maybe I should rethink the relationships.

8. My life would be improved if I didn't waste so much time talking to people I don't care about.

Of course, I suppose their lives would be better, too. I don't know for sure whether the telephone has been good, bad, or mostly a waist of time. There's no doubt it saves time but I'm not sure the time it saves is worth anything.

9. There are a few things I like to eat better than I like anything else but I don't eat them very often.

I don't know why that is. I'm always eating something I only sort of like.

10. Of all the places I've ever lived that I'm sad I never went back to, London tops the list.

I'd love to go back to London just to prove to myself how well I know it. I'll bet I could still find my way around as well as I could find my way around Albany, NY, or New York, NY. I lived in Beverly Hills one year but I don't know it very well.


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