Sincerest Sympathy to the Filthy Rich
by Leonard Pitts
I'm writing to apologize. I do this on behalf of the 99 percent of us who are not multimillionaires. You, of course, are, having made a pile as a venture capitalist and co-founder of the firm
I admit, I'd have thought a guy like you had little to complain about. But that was before you wrote that tear-jerking
In your letter, you decried the "rising tide of hatred" you've experienced at the hands of progressives waging "war" against your people. Your examples were heart-rending. You mentioned popular anger over rising real-estate prices. And "outraged" public reaction to dedicated buses ferrying tech workers to their
Oh, the humanity.
There are, you said, parallels to Nazi
You're right. How could we have missed it? Calling
You've been criticized for what you wrote, but we both know the only thing wrong with it is, you didn't go far enough. You didn't mention how one day the rich may be forced to stitch yellow dollar signs to their clothing or have their net worth tattooed on their forearms.
Being forced to pay taxes for the upkeep of schools your children wouldn't be caught dead attending? That's exactly like slavery.
Zoning laws that limit you to one measly helipad on your very own land? No difference between that and the Trail of Tears.
Where will it end? Will they make you fly commercial? Buy off the rack? Golf on a public course? Might as well hitch up the boxcars and pack you in.
I confess to having been blind to the suffering of the Affluent-American community. But you've opened my eyes. How awful it must be, forced to live in segregated neighborhoods like
Well, sir, thanks to great Affluent-American leaders like you, I have a dream that one day your children will not be judged by the content of their offshore accounts.
You are as human as anyone else. Your manservant puts your pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. So I apologize to you on behalf of the 40-year-old man with a college degree struggling to raise his son on a McSalary, the little girl trying to concentrate on algebra while her stomach growls with missed-meal cramps, the
You know, until I read your letter, I thought they were the ones most deserving of my empathy and concern, these victims of wealth inequality, a tilted playing field and the sheer greed of rapacious money pigs. But you've set me straight, and I want you to know I'm with you all the way.
I mean, now that I know who the real victims are.