Steps to Ease New Mom Separation Anxiety
Steps to Ease New Mom Separation Anxiety

by Kristyn Kusek Lewis

Time away from baby can be more nerve-racking than stress-reducing. Learn how to get a little well-deserved couple time

After weeks of round-the-clock feedings and diaper changes, you new moms and dads deserve a night out! But your first evening away from baby can be more nerve-racking than stress-reducing. Here's how to ease new mom separation anxiety -- for both you and baby:

New Mom Separation Anxiety Tip No. 1: Find an old-hat sitter

"Leave your baby with somebody who has infant experience, whether it's a good friend or your mother," says Mimi Doe, founder of Spiritual Parenting and author of Busy but Balanced: Practical and Inspirational Ways to Create a Calmer, Closer Family. "You'll be more confident than if you left your baby with the teenager next door."

New Mom Separation Anxiety Tip No. 2: Familiarize your baby with the sitter first

"Your baby won't have to work hard to communicate her needs if the sitter knows how to read her signals," explains Janis Keyser, co-author of Becoming the Parent You Want to Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years. Before you leave your baby sitter alone with your baby, set up at least two playdates to show the sitter your routine (e.g., where she should sit during feedings, the particulars of baby's bedtime ritual, etc.).

New Mom Separation Anxiety Tip No. 3: Plan an easy night out

Don't make your first date night a black-tie event, says Doe. Pick something quick and close to home that's flexible, in case anxiety gets the best of you. (Think a casual dinner and a movie close to home.) This way, it won't be a big deal if you have to leave either place midway through.

New Mom Separation Anxiety Tip No. 4: Be as thorough as necessary

Don't be embarrassed if you leave a mile-long list of phone numbers that includes your pediatrician, your neighbor, poison control and your aunt who lives three states away. Says Keyser:"You should leave whatever information and instructions make you feel safest." Explain to the sitter that you're overdoing it to put your own worries to rest -- not because you don't have faith in her abilities.

New Mom Separation Anxiety Tip No. 5: Say goodbye to baby

Don't slide out the back door to avoid facing a crying infant when you say goodbye."It will just make your baby over-vigilant, always keeping an eye on you to find out when you're going to disappear again," says Keyser. To ease the transition, you might have the sitter arrive a half hour before you plan to leave, so your baby and the sitter have a chance to get comfortable with each other.

New Mom Separation Anxiety Tip No. 6: Prepare your other little ones

If you have toddlers, they could take your date night harder than your new baby. Says Doe:"Remember the last time you went out? You were gone for two or more days … and then came back with a baby." Reassure young children that you will only be gone for a little while -- and that you aren't bringing another infant home.

Available at Amazon.com:

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years

Busy but Balanced: Practical and Inspirational Ways to Create a Calmer, Closer Family

Photo: @iStockphoto.com/anouchka

 

Parenting: "Steps to Ease New Mom Separation Anxiety"