Are You In Competition With Other Moms?
Are You In Competition With Other Moms?

by Danyelle Little

How to avoid one-upmanship with competitive parents

Motherhood and parenting is quite different than what it used to be.

With the dominance of social media and technology, most of us are busy Instagramming and updating our statuses on Facebook while sharing precious moments of our kids' lives. We want to document everything and show our friends and family how top-notch of a parent we really are.

But in doing so, it can cause a little drama, especially when you are in a circle of friends who want to one-up each other. It is easy for parents, and especially other moms, to be in competition. Most of us want to show off our kids and let the world know how wonderful they are -- but at what expense?

I have found myself caught in the competition zone with other moms.

In this day and age, I think it is natural to feel that there is an"invisible" game played amongst us mothers. Whose child gets the best grades, whose daughter was chosen to be in the school play -- in our quest to be the ultimate parents we can put undue importance on the smallest of things. And while we are busy competing and being stressed about what the other parents are doing, we may be missing out on some quality bonding time with our own kids.

One thing that I constantly find myself working on is trying to not compare myself and my child to other mothers and kids. Once you start that comparison game, you become focused on the wrong things. Instead of making what other moms are doing an important factor in my life, I switch the focus from them to my child. I want her to know that I support her in everything she does. And that full support can't come when I am not fully engaged because I am busy thinking the grass is greener elsewhere.

We all remember the horrible story of the Texas cheerleader mom, Wanda Holloway, who in the '90s hired a hit man to kill another cheerleader's mom, Verna Heath. Wanda was upset because Verna's daughter Amber beat her daughter out of a spot on the junior high cheerleading team. This rivalry almost turned to murder, but luckily, the hit man reported it to the police and the hit was not carried out.

That example is an extreme case of mom competition, but it still bares caution. In reality, the Holloway and Heath girls were friends. It was a parent who took the competition to epic heights.

The lesson here is simple: don't compete with other moms. It's childish, silly, and totally unnecessary.

Our children learn from our behavior and how we handle situations. While competition is healthy in games and sports, it's not healthy in motherhood. All of our kids deserve to shine.

Danyelle Little is a professional blogger, author, freelancer, and social media consultant located in St. Louis, Mo. After losing her corporate job in 2009, Danyelle forged ahead to create, a Web magazine that focuses on work, life and play. Her site has been mentioned by Glamour,, Huffington Post, and the Wall Street Journal. Danyelle is working on her second book, which will be released this year.

Parenting: "Are You In Competition With Other Moms?"