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What Kind of Parent Are You?
Peg Rosen - Your Family Today

HOME > LIFESTYLES

 

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For decades, pop psych has embraced the premise that there are three basic parenting styles: authoritarian (“Follow my rules because I say so!”), permissive (“OK, you can stay up to 11 p.m., but you’re going to be really tired tomorrow!”), and last but not least, authoritative (“I know other kids are doing it, but we think it’s too dangerous, so no, you can’t.”). It’s that approach -- a combination of no-nonsense limit-setting with understanding and concern -- which experts say is ideal. (A fourth style, uninvolved, is for parents who check out entirely.)

“Authoritative parents certainly make demands, but they also take time to listen to their kids, empathize with how they might feel and explain why they think their decisions are best for them in the long run,” says Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries (Child Development). This kind of parenting produces the most emotionally healthy children, she adds.

Not sure where you fit in? Check out these scenarios:

Scenario No. 1

You find out your child, who’s not allowed on Facebook and is under the age-13 limit anyway, has been checking it out at her friend’s house.

Authoritarian

“You not only broke my rules, you broke Facebook’s rule. I am taking away your computer privileges for two weeks, and you won’t be allowed at Sara’s house until I speak with her mother.”

Permissive

“I’m really disappointed you went behind my back. But I guess you must be very curious about this stuff so why don’t we open an account together?”

Authoritative

“I’m not happy that you broke the rules. Were you tempted because it seems like everyone else is Facebooking? Let me explain again why I don’t think it’s appropriate or safe for you right now. And if you do break the rules again, you will lose your computer privileges.”

Scenario No. 2

Your 8-year-old wants you to move his bedtime from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Authoritarian

“Sorry, but you need eight hours of shut-eye. Period. Now let’s go read a story before bed.”

Permissive

“Just because your friend Joey is allowed to go to bed at 9 doesn’t mean you should. I tell you what, though: Let’s compromise and make it 8:30. Does that work for you?”

Authoritative

“I know it must drive you nuts that Joey gets to go to bed at 9, but you need your sleep to have enough energy and focus for school. What is it that you want to do with the extra time you’reawake?

Scenario No. 3

You ask your 11-year-old to empty the dishwasher. An hour later, he’s still playing his guitar … and the dishwasher is still full.

Authoritarian

“This is the third time this week you’ve ignored my requests! You can forget allowance for this week, and we’ll have to see what happens next week.”

Permissive

“Hey, didn’t you hear me? I asked you three times to empty the dishwasher. I took care of it, but can you please take the garbage out after dinner?”

Authoritative

“I know how much you love guitar. And I’m thrilled to see you’re practicing. But I’m going nuts downstairs getting dinner on the table so we can all eat before midnight. To do that, I need your help. That means if I ask you to empty the dishwasher, you need to do it.”

Authoritarian parents aren’t meanies, and permissive parents aren’t pushovers. But the middle ground, experts agree, is best for kids.

“Children raised by authoritative parents grow up feeling that they are heard, that they are worthy of having rules explained to them,” says Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and editor of the Web site Aha Parenting. “They understand and ultimately appreciate their parents’ limits and demands because they believe their parents are on their side.”

Available at Amazon.com:

The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries (Child Development)

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Giving Kids a Creative Edge
Aviva Patz - Ideas That Spark

Creative and artistic experiences help kids express their feelings and come up with new ideas and ways to solve problems. Studies show that involvement in the arts boosts test scores and promotes academic achievement. You can get your child’s creative juices flowing at home with basic art supplies and the right attitude. Bring out the creative genius in your children with these simple tips.

New Twists on Family Game Night
Sarah Mahoney - Ideas That Spark

The more creative the game, the more thoughtful, clever, funny and outrageous your kids can be. They'll go nuts for contests that require you to show a different side too -- especially if it's a ridiculous one! These five non-board games will help bring out the unexpected best in your family.

4 Ways to Make Dinnertime Work
Elizabeth Hurchalla - Your Family Today

When you arrive home after a long workday, your mind is on your family ... plus the stack of bills to pay, the pile of laundry to do and the list of phone calls to return. But dinner? It's tough to imagine how you're going to make this meal happen at all, let alone make it healthy, tasty and maybe even fun. But believe it or not, you can. Here's how

Sibling Warfare? Stay Neutral
Lisa Lombardi - Your Family Today

When your kids practically come to blows over which one got more cream cheese on their bagel, you know you’ve got a serious case of sibling rivalry. It’s likely you also know that there’s no avoiding it. But while you may not be able to keep the peace between your kids, there are things you can do to squash the squabbling.

Raise a Smart Spender
Sarah Mahoney - Your Family Today

Most kids love the holidays -- and all the giving and getting that goes with them. So why not tap into that enthusiasm for a quick lesson in money management? If you want to teach kids that buying decisions should involve time to think, holiday shopping is the perfect moment. Here are six lessons you can start teaching right now

Money for Something?
Peg Rosen - Ideas That Spark

Certainly, kids shouldn’t be paid every time they put a dish in the dishwasher. But there are chores, tasks and jobs that require extra effort and time. And in this culture, money is the best thing we have to acknowledge our kids’ contribution when they take them on according to Peter L. Sheras. Here, some primo projects for teens and preteens

Sick-day Strategies for Keeping Kids Entertained
Ella Brooks - Sniffle Solutions

'Mommy, I don't feel good.' Sound familiar? It’s the call of an ill child who’s stuck in bed. It breaks your heart, but there are plenty of things you can do. Experts say the best course of action includes activities that are low-key and keep a child busy without wearing her out. Here are 11 comforting and clever ways to help kids have fun while they recover.

Sync With Your Spouse on Discipline Style
Lisa Lombardi - Your Family Today

Is your wife a strict disciplinarian, while you prefer to let things slide? Is your husband a yeller, while you are an 'inside voice' kind of mom? When you have different parenting styles, it can often feel like you're at odds with your spouse. Here are strategies from Harvey Karp, M.D. for navigating this common parenting conundrum.

What Kind of Parent Are You?
Peg Rosen - Your Family Today

For decades, pop psych has embraced the premise that there are three basic parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, and last but not least, authoritative. The authoritative approach -- a combination of no-nonsense limit-setting with understanding and concern -- which experts say is ideal. Not sure where you fit in? Check out these scenarios

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