Lady Gaga Talks About Regrets and Depression
by Paula David
Los Angeles, CA
After a rather tumultuous year, Lady Gaga emerges as Harper's Bazaar's latest cover girl and talks about things she regrets in life, the depression she suffered and her excitement to perform in space.
Aside from fashion and the many changes in her life, the 27-year-old pop star has admitted regretting not trusting what her gut tells her. "Sometimes [...] I sense a hidden agenda or that they care for the money more than the message," she said. "I wish that I'd listen to that feeling instead of waiting for the truth to rear its ugly head. I'm a smart girl. I'm loyal. But sometimes I'm too loyal. I'm not loyal enough to myself."
The past year has given Lady Gaga—Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta in real life—her share of hurdles, including suffering from a hip injury that put a sudden halt to her activities, and a public breakup with her longtime manager Troy Carter.
"I became very depressed at the end of 2013," she started. "I was exhausted fighting people off. I couldn't even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn't feel like fighting anymore. I didn't feel like standing up for myself one more time—to one more person who lied to me. But January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, 'I know you don't want to fight. I know you think you can't, but you've done this before. I know it hurts, but you won't survive this depression.'"
She added, "I really felt like I was dying—my light completely out. I said to myself, 'Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family.' Depression doesn't take away your talents—it just makes them harder to find. But I always find it. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that's left. I'm lucky I found one little glimmer stored away."
Moving on from all that, the "Dope" singer shared her excitement to perform in space saying she "honestly can't wait." It was confirmed last November that she will perform in a Virgin Galactic ship as part of the Zero G Colony festival. Despite her excitement, Gaga makes sure she shares her blessing. She said, "I'm auctioning off my second seat [on a Virgin Galactic flight] to raise money for the Born This Way Foundation."
"I want to make a moment that is about much more than me. Performing in space is such an honor. I want to challenge myself to come up with something that will not only bring everyone together but will also have a message of love that blasts into the beyond."