If you've been reading my columns for the last 30 years, you know I earn my living by complaining and commenting on things that bother me. These days, there are quite a few situations that annoy me. Here's just a sampling:

-- Often, when I'm in a store, I end up in the checkout line that takes the longest. Someone in front of me is paying with a check that has to be validated by the store manager. The manager is nowhere to be found. The other people in line start looking at each other in disgust. This happens to me all the time.

-- When you take a vacation to a wonderful Caribbean Island, a local comes up to you on the street and says, "You shouldn't have eaten in that restaurant because it's under new management and the food isn't that good anymore." Thank you for telling us this after we've already paid the bill.

-- When you fly somewhere, the seat assigned to you is usually at the rear of the plane, so you board early. Then, it takes what seems like eternity to disembark.

-- If you call your doctor for an appointment, you end up on hold for half an hour.

-- If you go into a store looking for a present, there's never a clerk around when you need help. Only when you don't need assistance does a clerk materialize, offering to help you.

-- You can count on the fact that when you're shopping for a new car, at some point the salesman will say, "I'll have to ask my manager."

-- Also, when you're having car trouble, you invariably discover that it wasn't wise to have purchased the first model year of that car.

-- The line is always long when you enter the bank to cash a check and you only have 15 minutes until you have to be back at work.

-- You have a coupon for a free meal in your favorite restaurant, and you realize when you're ready to pay the bill that the coupon expired the day before.

-- The day you have extra time to take a walk in the park is the day there are 40 mph winds.

-- Cancelling magazine subscriptions seems virtually impossible. You finally find the correct number to call and think you've cancelled your subscription, only to receive a card in the mail the following month telling you your subscription is up for renewal.

-- The daily newspaper is delivered to the house and your favorite section is missing.

-- Once every couple of years, you read a story in the paper about which states can't balance their budgets and may face be a shutdown.

-- Reading stories about cracks in airplanes the day before you have to fly somewhere.

-- There's a sale going on at your favorite clothing store, but when you arrive you find out the suit you wanted is sold out.

-- When you're about to get into the car to drive to work, you realize you have a flat tire. It's also the morning that you have an important meeting with the boss.

-- All of your children have gone off to college and you'd like to sell the house, but you know the real estate market is soft and it's not the right time to sell. Besides, the kids start whining that they love the house and all their old stuff is still in the attic.

Aren't you glad I can't think of anything else?

 

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(c) 2011 Andy Rooney

About Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney born January 14th, 1919 is a writer, humorist, radio and television personality.

Rooney became most famous as a humorist and political commentator with his weekly broadcast on the CBS News Program "60 Minutes" since 1978.