Andy Rooney
(Andy is taking the day off. In his absence, we are reprinting a classic column originally published
It's kind of nice that most Americans who live in a city are proud of it. They like their city and they want the rest of the world to like it, too.
If you visit any city for a few days, you're left with an impression of what it's like and whether to turn left or right in a few places, but your impression probably doesn't have much to do with what the city is really like.
I have pleasant impressions of dozens of cities and unpleasant impressions of others, but my opinions come from events or sights that were probably not typical of the place. Maybe I had a terrible breakfast in the hotel I stayed at that turned me against the city; maybe I asked directions from a stranger who was so pleasant that I went home thinking everyone in that city was the same way.
This comes to mind because I've spent a lot of time in
I could live happily in
Here are some things for anyone thinking of moving to a city to look for:
-- Check to see if the downtown parts of the city close up and move to the suburbs at
-- The presence of one or more colleges is a good sign. You can't beat having a good educational institution for livening up the city.
-- If the biggest cultural event of a season is the basketball game with the traditional rival, you might want to have second thoughts about moving there.
-- The number and importance of country clubs is something to watch for. If everyone seems to belong to one, don't move there.
-- Be wary of a town that allows diagonal parking.
-- Don't move to a city in which the best restaurant is in a hotel.
-- Watch out if there are too many churches and not many bookstores.
-- If the mayor has been in office more than eight years, consider another city.
-- Don't move to a place whose principal shopping center is called "The Miracle Mile."
-- Make certain the railroad station hasn't been turned into a boutique.
-- There should be at least one good hotel that isn't part of a big chain.
-- It's not a good sign if all the police are in cars and none are walking the streets.
-- Look for a bridge that leads into the main part of town. Bridges are a good sign. A bridge means the place was worth going to some trouble to get to.
-- Check to see how many intersections have signs reading, "No Right Turn on Red."
-- Make sure there's at least one bakery that bakes good bread.
-- Perfect symmetry in the layout of the streets is not good. A city should be a little irregular, suggesting that its growth was somewhat haphazard.
-- There should be at least one good news store that's open 24 hours a day.
-- Make sure the city has a good newspaper. It's even better if it has two newspapers, one of which you hate.
-- Don't dismiss a city that has a dishonest local government. Some of them are interesting.
It's not a major city if you can see the water tower with the city's name on it from the center of town.
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(Write to Andy Rooney at Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207, or via email at aarooney5@yahoo.com)
(c) 2010 Andy Rooney
About Andy Rooney
Andy Rooney born January 14th, 1919 is a writer, humorist, radio and television personality.
Rooney became most famous as a humorist and political commentator with his weekly broadcast on the CBS News Program "60 Minutes" since 1978.
