I think I'll be OK, although I've sure been going to see a lot of doctors lately.

A few weeks ago, I went to see my all-purpose doctor. He's the one whose name I fill in if the form asks for the name of my "physician" or "family doctor." The fact that no one else in my family goes to him has no bearing on that.

Even though I know a lot of people die the day after their doctor says they're in good health, I'm always encouraged when my doctor says I'm doing fine. He lies a little to me but I like that in a doctor.

During my last checkup, he told me I ought to see an ophthalmologist and have my eyes checked, so I'm going to do that even though I feel I have absolutely no trouble with my eyes that being 50 years younger wouldn't cure.

Yesterday, I got a notice from my dentist that it's time for a checkup. My idea of when it's time for a checkup is when something starts to hurt but my dentist doesn't agree with that. He has an excellent assistant who cleans my teeth, so I submit to that and, while I don't agree with the notice that it's time for a checkup, I guess I'll go.

Three weeks ago, I woke in the morning with a painful knee. It's tennis season and I want to be able to play. My family physician had knee surgery himself a few years ago, so I called his office to get the name of his orthopedist. I figured if he was good enough for my doctor, he was good enough for me.

I went to the orthopedist last week. He bent both knees in circles, doing his best to dislocate them, and concluded that the knee that was giving me trouble was probably going to be OK, but that my other knee, which was not bothering me, was in bad shape. This is why people are reluctant to see a doctor.

The orthopedist, who I liked so much that I can hardly wait to have some serious bone problem, told me to take an anti-inflammatory drug for six days and my knee problem would probably clear up. I decided that if the knee would clear up with the pills, it would probably clear up without them, so I didn't take anything and the knee is much better.

Four years ago, I had some funny bumps on my forehead where the sun hits it most and I went to a dermatologist. She was a personal friend through marriage to someone I've worked with in broadcasting. I wouldn't go to her for some things, but she's a bright, competent doctor and I don't keep the names of a lot of dermatologists in my head, so I went to her. She did some tests and determined that what I had was potentially dangerous, so her partner, who does surgery, removed it.

For the last three years, I've been getting a postcard saying I'm due for a skin checkup. I got one last week and I guess I'll do that this year, even though I have this feeling that there are just so many body parts you can have a specialist check.

I think I'll be on the court soon, and the other guys better watch out. They'll be playing with a new Andy Rooney -- clean teeth, 20/20 eyes, rejuvenated knees, clear skin and blood pressure and cholesterol levels that are hitting new lows ... according to that doctor who lies a little.

(Andy Rooney is ON VACATION. In his absence, we are reprinting this classic column originally published Oct. 3, 1995.)

 

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(c) 2011 Andy Rooney

About Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney born January 14th, 1919 is a writer, humorist, radio and television personality.

Rooney became most famous as a humorist and political commentator with his weekly broadcast on the CBS News Program "60 Minutes" since 1978.