Humor by Greg Schwem
Several years ago, I went to Tokyo where I got a taste of the Japanese subway system. I say "taste" because my lips were literally pressed to a stranger's, so congested were the cars.
No matter the time of day, the ride went like this: The train lumbered to a stop where hundreds waited to board what looked like cars that could accommodate exactly zero extra passengers. Yet somehow, some way, EVERYBODY got on. The car continued to the next stop where the identical scene occurred. Nobody seemed to get off. Because I did not know how to say, "Let me out of here" in Japanese, I often missed my stop. I wondered if there ever came a moment when a conductor would scream, "That's enough! No more!"
I'm starting to feel the same way about
This year, the
"Welcome to 'NFL Countdown' with Mike, Tom, Keyshawn, Jaws and, at the little table just off camera, Ray, Herm, Merril and Damien. That's all the time we have this week. See you next Sunday."
At least Lewis didn't pedal his skills to the 24-hour NFL Network, where he'd have to compete with Marshall, Steve, Warren, Michael, Kurt, Deion, Tom, Solomon, Darren, Dennis, Sterling, Brian and a few others who were hired in the time it took to write this sentence. Like
Just in case a network thinks breaking down X's and O's can't be handled by six, or, nine or 13 expositors, now comes word that former
"Looks like that kickoff is going out of the end zone. Mike, your thoughts?"
"Uh, yeah it did roll out, Joe. Now watch, the referee is going to place the ball on the 20-yard line. Did you see that?"
"Great call, Coach! If either team decides to punt this quarter, we'll check back with you."
On Super Bowl Sunday, I curled up on my couch and overindulged in three items: chili, chicken wings and a single, 60-minute football game. And as I listened to pre-game, post-game and halftime studio analysts scrutinize everything from the coin toss to the cheerleaders' outfits, I stifled the urge to leap high in the air and scream what every exhausted fan was probably thinking:
"Let me out of here!"
Humorist Greg Schwem is a stand-up comedian and author of Text Me If You're Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad
Humor & Funny Stories - Ray Lewis, Your Seat at The Kids Table is Ready - Greg Schwem Humor
Article: Copyright © Tribune Media Services