I am staring at my computer screen reading and re-reading the four words that confound me the most whenever I surf the Internet:
"Please enter your password."
I had become a member of this online shopping site just three days ago, creating the obligatory password in the process. I took the advice of cyber experts who warn us not to duplicate our passwords and fashioned something entirely new. However, I failed to take the advice of cyber experts who also suggest we write the password down somewhere.
"I'll remember it," I thought. "It's my first
Now, as I continue to type the password into the box and hit "enter," only to be stymied by "Incorrect Password," I am second-guessing myself. Is this the right password for the right site? It's a question I'm asking myself more frequently these days. Does "funnydad49" allow me to book tickets via
As I approach the half-century mark of life, my eyesight and my memory skills are deteriorating at alarming rates. Bifocals help the former, but there is no medical remedy for password absent-mindedness. My phone contains an app called Password Keeper that promises to store all the passwords I have created, but I'm not using it for one simple reason:
The app is password protected. I'd need a password to retrieve my passwords.
If you are among those people mentally exhausted due to the jumble of word and number combinations swirling around your brain like lottery balls, take heart. I'm creating a new social network and I'm inviting you to join. I won't reveal all the details, but here's an elevator pitch in case any venture capitalists are reading.
The network will be called OurPassword and sign up is free. Once you have established an account (you won't need a password to do so) I will send you the single password that all members use. Let's say that password is "FAILEDGEEK100." That becomes your password for EVERYTHING you do on line. If you forget the OurPassword password, just seek out another member. OurPassword may never rival
There is one qualification before joining the network. You must first prove that you have been locked out of at least three different websites because you couldn't remember your password. Just snap three photos of your computer screen containing the message, "Password failed" and send them to me as evidence. I'm doing this for security purposes; I don't want this singular password to get into the hands of hackers. By showing me that you are consistently forgetting your passwords, you are also proving you do not have the intelligence to hack. Besides, hackers aren't usually middle aged and suffering memory lapses. From what I've read, hackers are twentysomethings who still live in their parents' basements and whose only friends growing up were a laptop and a poster of
I promise I will never change the password, for that would defeat the purpose. Still interested? Stay tuned because I will reveal more details later. Right now, my deadline is approaching and it's time to upload this column to my editors. I just need to log in to the server and then enter my pa . . .
On second thought, maybe I'll just fax it.
- A Perfect 10 is the Number of Our Dreams
- Squeeze, Twist and Pull Just Doesn't Work
- Please Pass the Eponyms
- How to Annoy Your Parents in Any Language
- The Robot is in the Driveway
- A Password for the Ages and the Aging
- My Super Dilemma
- A Super Dilemma Only the President Can Solve
- Running The Country From the Three-Point Arc
- The Perfect Snowball Only Costs 10 Bucks
- A Vacation Day -- and More -- Stolen
- 50 Stories You'll Be Reading This Year
- Parking Spaces are Another Endangered Species
- Everything is Coming Up 'Awesome'
- Too Much Bigness is No Small Matter
- Big Breakdown on the Little Things
- Gratuitous Noise is Irritating
- Make Christmas More Like Christmas
- Rise of the Middle-Aged Protester
- Feeling Like a King at 30,000 Feet
- Nothing Says 'I'm Too Lazy' Like a Gift Card
- Customer Support Never Tasted So Good
- Feeling the Seasonal Spirit
- Scenarios in Which Stacy Keibler Would be Paid For a Special Appearance
- The Sexiest Man Alive is Out There Somewhere
- How to Save the U.S. Postal Service
- It's Time to Delete the Pause Button
- Great Place to Hang Around In
- A Movable Feast
- You Don't Mind If I Sit, Do You?
- It's Fun To Save All That Stuff
- I Desperately Need to Talk Turkey
- My Children Will Become Actuaries
- Could the Kardashian Divorce be the Answer to the Recession?
- '60 Minutes' Curmudgeon Andy Rooney Dies at 92
- What's Right in America? A Great Deal!
- Don't Make a Wastebasket What It Isn't
- More Towels, Sir? We Already Knew That
- That's Some Bad Hat, Harry
- You Don't Have to Buy Anything To Have Fun Shopping
- My Daughter's Brain: A Work in Progress
- Little League Rules for Big League Debates
- An Error-Filled Errand in Brooklyn
- We Must Create Time for Ourselves
- The Grammar Police Are At It Again
- A Good Putting Stroke is All in the Wallet
- People Ought to Sign Work They Do
- It Takes Very Little Effort to Be a Man
- Target Shoppers of the World Unite
- The Dream of An Incipient Snob
- Congress Needs a Three-Martini Lunch
- Mark Zuckerberg Needs Some Kids
- The Massage is the Message
(c) 2012 Tribune Media Services, Inc.