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This is a special time of year, as expressed so poetically in the lyrics to the haunting song "Summertime" from "Porgy and Bess":
"Summertime, and the livin' is easy,
Fish are jumpin'
And gettin' lodged in the throats of fisherpersons."
Those lyrics are as true today as when they were first performed way back in a specific year that I plan to look up later. Just this June, according to an
But the most urgent question is: How did the bluegill get into the angler's esophagus? The AP story explains that the angler "was playing with a bluegill in his mouth when it began squirming and lodged itself in his throat."
The angler recovered. Unfortunately, the fish--let us call him "Porgy"--went to that Big Scum Pond in the Sky. But little Porgy's tragic demise will not have been in vain if it results in the long-overdue passage of a federal law requiring the
While we're at it, we need a law requiring that all deceased starfish be clearly labeled: "DO NOT HEAT IN MICROWAVE." I say this because of a homemaker-advice column called Ask Mrs. Oliver from the Eugene, Ore., Register-Guard, sent in by many alert readers, which includes the following homemaker letter, which I am not making up:
"How do you remove an awful smell out of your microwave? I found a dead starfish on the beach and brought it home. It was very wet and I thought placing it in the microwave for a few minutes would help. The starfish exploded on my second attempt to dry it."
Both of these tragic incidents remind us that, although summer is a fun time, we must always remember that at any moment we could die or seriously damage an appliance. That's why we need to remember our Summer Safety Basics, especially:
WHAT TO DO ABOUT LIGHTNING
The
If you, or someone you like, is struck by lightning, it is essential that you get hold of
Thanks, Parade! That tip could very well save a life, as we can see from the following verbatim transcript of a discussion between two fictional neighbors:
BOB: Fred? Sorry to bother you . . .
FRED: No bother, Bob! I was just watching the Yankees game.
BOB: Man, talk about a pitching staff.
FRED: I know, but I worry about their middle relief. Anyway, what's up?
BOB: Well, Fred, I'm concerned about Marge. She stopped breathing, and I'm wondering if I should do anything.
FRED: Hmmm. Wait a minute! Was Marge recently struck by lightning?
BOB: Why, yes, Fred, she was, about 10 minutes ago. Come to think of it, that's when she stopped breathing!
FRED: Let me check my
BOB: Medical help? Say, Fred, that's a great suggestion! I'll do it right after this inning.
An unrealistic scenario, you say? True. In real life, Bob would have asked Fred about Bernie Williams' knee injury. But this transcript does illustrate the importance of knowing your Summer Safety Basics, so that instead of moping around the funeral home, you can relax with a good summer book, such as the almanac, which tells us that "Porgy and Bess" was first performed in 1935.
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