- MENU
- HOME
- SEARCH
- WORLD
- MAIN
- AFRICA
- ASIA
- BALKANS
- EUROPE
- LATIN AMERICA
- MIDDLE EAST
- United Kingdom
- United States
- Argentina
- Australia
- Austria
- Benelux
- Brazil
- Canada
- China
- France
- Germany
- Greece
- Hungary
- India
- Indonesia
- Ireland
- Israel
- Italy
- Japan
- Korea
- Mexico
- New Zealand
- Pakistan
- Philippines
- Poland
- Russia
- South Africa
- Spain
- Taiwan
- Turkey
- USA
- BUSINESS
- WEALTH
- STOCKS
- TECH
- HEALTH
- LIFESTYLE
- ENTERTAINMENT
- SPORTS
- RSS
- iHaveNet.com: Humor
by Greg Schwem
Here we are just a few weeks into a new year and the flu epidemic has hit our country unusually hard. So hard, in fact, that Boston health officials now greet visitors at the airport and immediately hand them a return ticket and a stern warning to "Go away. Everybody here is sick."
While I remain healthy for now, I have been reading enough about the influenza virus to know the symptoms:
Runny nose
Fever
Body aches
The overwhelming desire to post explicit information of your illness on
One recommendation for flu sufferers is to get plenty of rest. However, that hasn't stopped many of my
"Nose is still stuffy and now I'm coughing up phlegm." (California)
"Did somebody turn my skin inside out? It hurts to type." (Connecticut)
"Fever is currently 102.3. It's gone up a degree since yesterday. Maybe it's time to call a doctor?" (Florida)
Yes, by all means call the doctor. Better yet, VISIT the doctor. Just do something, anything, to keep you from taking photos of your current medications and posting them on your
Don't get me wrong. I'm sympathetic to those suffering from flu, as I've had the bug before and know that, as a frequent business traveler, I'm probably one airline passenger, hotel room or subway pole away from catching the disease. But other than my immediate family or my physician, does anybody really need to know the severity of my night sweats or the side effects I endured when I took Nyquil? For the record, the latter could make you feel "really, really dizzy, like I'm flying through a tunnel with no way out." Thanks for that post, Arizona!
I do have several
During election season, I actually unfriended several people from my
So , even though I do not have a medical degree, I am prescribing the following to all my friends suffering from flu:
Drink plenty of liquids
Get lots of rest
Wash your hands frequently
Don't let those hands anywhere near an Internet-enabled device
Now it's time to pack my bags for a trip to San Jose. Wait, I just sneezed. Ewwww, you're not going to believe what just came out of my nose. It looks like, like...
On second thought, never mind.
(Greg Schwem is a stand-up comedian and author of "Text Me If You're Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad"
Humor & Satire
- The Sad, Pathetic Personality of a Computer Hacker
- The Hershey's Diet: Love, Support and 20 Extra Pounds
- How I Almost Lost Two Pounds
- Goodbye, Old Pal
- To My Child, I Bequeath The Blade
- Please Let Lindsay Lohan Sleep
- My Neighbor The Stranger
- Nothing Comes
- The Caesar Salad will be $10,000
- The Do-It-Yourself Guide To Not Attempting It At All
- Pigeon Paradise
- Are You My Daughter? Prove It!
- I Don't Want The Music to Stop
- Against Whistling
- The Urge to Eat
- It Only Happens in the Movies
- I Can Dine Alone But I Still Need a Hug
- Put Up Your #Dukes and Tweet Like a Man!
- Warning: This Program is Rated NSFCPP
- Are Band-Aids Starter Tattoos for Kids?
- Your Kid's Next Birthday Party -- Done Wrong!
- Your Baby Can Now Get The Celebrity Treatment!
- Burying Barbie and Other Depressing Parental Duties
- An Actor's Tips for Jobhunting
- Just a Few Observations, and They're on the House
- Sinatra Had the Quality of Genius
- I Didn't Do It, But I'll Resign Anyway
- 'How Are You Paying For This?'
- Knowledge Times Weight Equals Diploma
- The Wife: A True Musical Oddity
- It's Only The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, But
WORLD | AFRICA | ASIA | EUROPE | LATIN AMERICA | MIDDLE EAST | UNITED STATES | ECONOMICS | EDUCATION | ENVIRONMENT | FOREIGN POLICY | POLITICS
Article: Copyright © Tribune Media Services