-- Every politician should be hooked up to lie-detector machine when speaking.

-- There doesn't seem to be anything sexist about it, but it's strange that the phrase "Oh, Boy!" is so often used but "Oh, Girl!" never is.

-- It's a nice custom, although it's unclear why we use the phrases "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Easter" when we might just as well say, "Happy Christmas" and "Merry Easter."

-- Almost every city has a "First Church of Christ, Scientist." I've never seen a "Third Church of Christ Scientist." Why don't they call it simply "The Church of Christ Scientist"?

-- When a speaker says, "In and of itself...", he or she is blowing air into a speech. I'm also suspicious when anyone says "Indeed."

-- You can tell right away whether a restaurant is good or not by the rolls they serve.

-- I don't like deciding which socks to wear.

I'd hate to be a rug.

-- I love doing things, so it's hard to figure why I hate to get out of bed most mornings. It's also strange how much easier it is to get into bed than to get out of bed.

-- If they hadn't invented the typewriter, I'd have been something else -- a carpenter, maybe.

-- It's hard to understand why a light bulb is so lightweight.

-- Reference books are better to look things up in than they are to read through.

On a lot of days, they ought to put the front page of the newspaper somewhere else.

-- If I knew how much it costs keeping an electric light on, I'd probably turn mine off sooner.

-- I read the newspaper every day but don't ask me much about what was in it yesterday.

-- Most newspapers run editorials but only one in 10 means anything to me. Let me correct that. Only one in 20 means anything to me.

-- When I was a kid, Alfie Gordon, Bud Duffie and Bobby Reidy used to spread the afternoon newspaper on the porch and read it from one step down. We especially liked the comic strips "Gasoline Alley" and "Buck Rogers."

-- I wish someone would come up with a funny comic strip. I don't get to laugh much now when I read the comic pages.

-- Very often, I'm more interested in how they fit the words into the space in newspapers than what they print in the articles.

-- I couldn't tell you where any of the keys are on my computer but if someone changed them, I'd be lost.

-- It would be embarassing if people knew how few books I've read in my life. I'm looking at my well-worn copy of "Fowler's English Usage" on my desk and I think I've spent so much time reading Fowler's that it should make up for a lot of books I haven't read.

-- It's not good how little time I spend thinking about the world's problems. The only consolation is, nothing I think would help make things better.

-- This morning, I had a knot in my shoelace and I was just thinking how lucky I am that it's the biggest problem I've had all day.

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(Write to Andy Rooney at Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207, or via email at aarooney5@yahoo.com)

(c) 2010 Andy Rooney

About Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney born January 14th, 1919 is a writer, humorist, radio and television personality.

Rooney became most famous as a humorist and political commentator with his weekly broadcast on the CBS News Program "60 Minutes" since 1978.