By Dean Michaels

My wife and I recently celebrated our anniversary.

We have a solid marriage, but like everyone, we've struggled with the changes that aging brings -- including those that affect our love life.

The good news: With simple adjustments, sex after 40, 50, 60 and beyond can be as satisfying as ever, strengthening your relationship rather than becoming a source of conflict and stress.

Sex and the Older Body

Age-related changes in sexuality usually start between the ages of 40 and 50. Many women begin to experience vaginal dryness, which can make intercourse uncomfortable. Men start to find that sexy thoughts are no longer enough and need hands-on help to become aroused. Even then, erections may not be as enthusiastic or reliable as they once were.

Since the biological purpose of sex is to reproduce life, these changes make evolutionary sense. As women and men leave their reproductive years, there's no longer an evolutionary imperative to continue reproductive sex (i.e., intercourse). So there's no biological reason for older bodies to produce natural lubrication or erections.

The trouble is that many people believe that intercourse is sex -- and when intercourse becomes problematic, they think sex must be over. That's a shame. Retiring from being lovers makes a relationship less intimate and ignores the deep human need to experience gentle touch.

Personal lubricants and erection drugs can help … for a while. And yet, two studies of thousands of men over 50 show that fewer than 10 percent have even tried erection drugs, let alone become regular users. Does this mean all these people have given up on sex? No!

The Evolution of Sex

Here's their secret:

Couples who continue to enjoy sexual intimacy in the second half of life succeed by evolving their lovemaking away from intercourse and replacing it with kissing, cuddling, whole-body massage, erotic toys and oral sex -- resulting in wonderful, orgasmic pleasure without intercourse.

What's more, men don’t need erections to have orgasms. Yes, you read that right. Even with an older, balky or flaccid penis, men can experience climaxes that feel as enjoyable as ever given vivid erotic fantasies and a woman's loving -- and vigorous -- caresses.

Change is challenging -- especially sexual changes. But when older couples help each other through the transition away from intercourse, they can discover a whole new realm of pleasure that brings a new, richer intimacy to their relationship and deepens the love they share.

Sexual health and satisfaction can continue well into a person's 40s and beyond. While individual experiences and preferences vary, there are several factors and strategies that can contribute to a fulfilling and satisfying sex life after the age of 40:

Communication

Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. Discuss your desires, needs, and any concerns or challenges you may be experiencing. This can help both partners understand each other better and work together to enhance intimacy.

Physical Health

Maintaining good physical health is essential for sexual well-being. Regular exercise can improve stamina, flexibility, and overall fitness. A balanced diet can also contribute to energy levels and overall vitality.

Stress Management

Stress can negatively impact sexual desire and performance. Practice stress-reduction techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, deep breathing, or yoga to manage stress effectively.

Adequate Sleep

Quality sleep is important for sexual health. Lack of sleep can lead to fatigue and reduced libido. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep per night.

Regular Checkups

Schedule regular checkups with your healthcare provider to address any medical conditions, hormonal imbalances, or medications that may affect your sexual health. They can provide guidance on managing any underlying issues.

Hormone Levels

Hormonal changes can affect sexual desire and function, especially in perimenopausal and menopausal women. Consult with a healthcare provider to discuss hormone replacement therapy or other options if necessary.

Emotional Connection

Emotional intimacy and a strong connection with your partner can enhance sexual satisfaction. Spend quality time together, engage in meaningful conversations, and prioritize emotional connection.

Exploration and Variety

Be open to trying new things and exploring different aspects of your sexuality. This can include trying new sexual positions, introducing novelty in the bedroom, or experimenting with fantasies.

Self-Care

Prioritize self-care to enhance your overall well-being. This includes taking time for relaxation, self-indulgence, and self-love.

Use of Lubricants

For women experiencing vaginal dryness, the use of water-based or silicone-based lubricants can help improve comfort during sexual activity.

Kegel Exercises

Kegel exercises can help strengthen pelvic floor muscles, which can improve sexual sensation and urinary control. These exercises are beneficial for both men and women.

Safe Sex

Continue practicing safe sex to protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Using condoms and getting regular STI screenings are essential for sexual health.

Seek Professional Help

If you or your partner are facing persistent sexual challenges, such as erectile dysfunction or pain during intercourse, consider seeking the guidance of a qualified sex therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual health.

It's important to remember that sexual satisfaction and desires vary among individuals and can change over time. The key is to prioritize open communication, physical and emotional well-being, and a willingness to adapt and explore new ways to enhance your sexual experience.

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"The Secret to Sex After 40 "