Parking Spaces are Another Endangered Species

A lot of people who know how to drive don't seem to know how to park

Gratuitous Noise is Irritating

There's a conspiracy against silence in the world. We seem to prefer a shout to a whisper

Make Christmas More Like Christmas

While we're thinking about it, this might be a good time to make some Christmas resolutions for the coming years. Here are some proposals

Great Place to Hang Around In

Most days, both old and new, are good. I like remembering familiar and pleasant old things, but it doesn't pay to spend much time thinking about them. You can probably guess what's coming. I'm going to talk about 'the good old days.'

A Movable Feast

These suggestions for Thanksgiving dinner are late, so put them in the freezer and save them for Christmas

You Don't Mind If I Sit, Do You?

This is my first column. What follows are some clues to my character. --I prefer sitting, but when I stand, I stand in size 8-1/2 EEE shoes. --When it comes to politics, I don't know whether I'm a Democrat or a Republican

It's Fun To Save All That Stuff

I love the idea of saving anything, but all the things I enjoy saving are as hard to know where to put as money. At the moment, I'm sitting in a workroom in the basement of my house. It's separated by a door from my shop, where my tools are

What's Right in America? A Great Deal!

Columnists make a living pointing out things that are wrong with America. There isn't much money in talking about the all the good things because it's dull. What are some of the things that are right with America? Let me count the ways

Don't Make a Wastebasket What It Isn't

Wastebaskets play an increasingly important part in our lives as the proliferation of paper threatens to bury us before we can throw it out, but a wastebasket is a strictly utilitarian object

More Towels, Sir? We Already Knew That

The headline caught my eye as I sat in my Orlando hotel room, futilely struggling to open the complimentary coffee packet: 'HOTEL STAFF 'READS' GUESTS' NEEDS'

My Interview With 'Dr. Death'

Dr. Jack Kevorkian died June 3 at a hospital in Michigan after suffering from kidney failure and pulmonary problems. He was 83. Kevorkian helped more than 130 people to die who were terminally ill and in pain. And as you may know, physician-assisted suicide is illegal in Michigan

Everything is Coming Up 'Awesome'

There's so much competition for our attention that everyone is using up all our good superlatives to get it

That's Some Bad Hat, Harry

In light of everything terrifying happening in the world -- suicide bombers, Solyndra, drum circles, debates, etc. -- suddenly the idea of voluntarily viewing an old-school horror movie doesn't seem so daunting

You Don't Have to Buy Anything To Have Fun Shopping

The other day, one of those newspaper columns that gives advice gave some suggestions on how to stay within a budget when we're shopping. The suggestions were to shop alone, stick to a list and don't shop for food when we're hungry. The only part I accept is the advice to shop alone

We Must Create Time for Ourselves

There are too many events, too many movies and too much television. There are too many books to read. The newspaper keeps coming. There's no time to sit down and stare out the window without feeling you ought to be doing something

The Grammar Police Are At It Again

The grammar police are a large, unaffiliated group of readers, usually women, often retired schoolteachers, who pour over the newspaper every day searching for dumb mistakes -- like writers who say 'pour' when they mean 'pore'

People Ought to Sign Work They Do

Maybe signed work is the answer to getting better workmanship again. Everything that anyone makes should have his or her name on it for praise or blame and for reference

The Dream of An Incipient Snob

If I could have three wishes, I'd use one to wish for a valet. My standards of dress have deteriorated and I ought to do something before I become a real slob

They Don't Disagree and Never Fight or Borrow Money

Old friends may be the best friends, but new friends you don't know very well are good, too. New friends, by which I mean friends with whom you have no serious relationship, make life pleasant

Maintaining Cars and Bodies

My car and my body are in about the same shape. I don't know which is harder -- taking my body to the doctor or my car to the garage. It's surprising how many similarities suggest themselves in the treatment of our cars and our bodies

Who Says Autumn Anymore? It's Almost Fall

Summer dies hard. We try to keep it alive for just a little longer. We keep doing a few of the things we did on vacation, just as though it wasn't really over.

Too Much Bigness is No Small Matter

We may have gone far enough with bigger. The time may be at hand to start thinking small

We Need A Universal Language

Sometimes it's hard to decide what to think and write about. For instance, I might be able to make something out of the difference between the words 'some time' and 'sometime' and even 'sometimes'

My Summer Vacation On the Lake

I sometimes think vacations are harder to take than going to work. When you go to work, you know what you have to do, but you go on vacation to have fun and take a break from your everyday life. Good times are more apt to come unexpectedly rather than by design

Traveling? Include Me Out

Just for fun, I made a list of places I don't want to go to

Remembering the Cars of Yesteryear

The automobile industry always makes changes in its new models, but it isn't until 10 years later that you realize cars have gradually become different.

We All Need to Carve Out Some Down Time

Everything's crowding in on me. Please step back and give the man some air. It isn't just too many people; it's too many things to do, too many possessions, too much equipment designed to make life easier, too many wires leading to too many electric appliances, too many relationships to maintain

Why Do We Take Pride in Ignorance?

Considering how much we profess to admire education, it's funny how often we take pride in our ignorance

A Doctor a Day Keeps the Apples Away

Even though I know a lot of people die the day after their doctor says they're in good health, I'm always encouraged when my doctor says I'm doing fine. He lies a little to me but I like that in a doctor.

Picture This

Every once in a while, a newspaper or another publication of some kind will ask me for a picture of myself. I can never find one I want to send them. Why don't pictures of us ever look the way we think of ourselves as looking?

It's Time to Think About Vacation

These are the days when I enjoy my summer vacation the most. My month off doesn't begin until July but looking forward to it is the best part. Already I'm trying to figure out a way I can sneak off early

The Tools of My Trade

This morning, I was trying to think of something to write about and I started looking at all the tools I have on top of my desk or in the drawers. Since all I do for a living is write, how in the world did I get tied up with so many tools?

Some Philosophical Thoughts on Religion

On the day I write a column each week, my mind flits around looking for an idea that interests me and one I hope will interest you. I like football, the study of philosophy and anything about food. The subject of religion is of great interest to me, although I'm not religious.

Guess Who's Running For President in 2012?

I'd like to tell everyone reading my column today that you have about 530 days until the presidential election of 2012. So please make sure you use the time carefully. And, if you're thinking of running for the presidency, you must file a statement of candidacy with the Federal Election Commission using Form 2

Hand Me The Bread

While I don't have an exact number, I estimate from sort of counting them in the telephone book that there are about 24,000 restaurants in New York City. I've eaten in several hundred of them, and the good ones outnumber the fair or poor ones. The best restaurants go on and on and get better year after year; the bad ones don't last a year

A Memorial Day to Remember

There have only been a few times in my life when someone's death has been an occasion for rejoicing. The day Adolf Hitler died was a good day for the world, and a good day for me. The day Osama bin Laden died was another good day for the world. For someone my age, there are marked similarities between the deaths of Hitler and Bin Laden

What a Week for the World

There are stories in the newspaper every day that interest me and stories that don't. I'm not proud of myself for this; it's just true. The world was informed of the death of Osama bin Laden. I've read about Bin Laden often enough that I can now remember how to spell his name, and because of the monumental nature of this story I can barely get to the other stories in the papers

What Not to Wear

It isn't anything I want to think a lot about, but for some reason I woke up in the middle of last night and got wondering why men wear pants and women wear skirts. I guess I was thinking about clothing because of all the talk this week about what Kate was wearing when she married Prince William

Food For Thought

Food doesn't exactly rule our lives, but we spend an awful lot of time thinking about it, buying it, preparing it, eating it, and dreaming about it. Some food cravings have followed me all my life

I'm Really a Newspaperman At Heart

Every once in a while, it amuses me to check into the number of newspapers that run this column. The last time I looked, there were about 110 of them, and I like that a lot, but I'd be kidding myself if I thought everyone who reads those papers reads the column. It would be in the millions, and that would make me nervous

You Can Count on Me to Complain

If you've been reading my columns for the last 30 years, you know I earn my living by complaining and commenting on things that bother me. These days, there are quite a few situations that annoy me. Here's just a sampling

My Trip to the Cafeteria

I went to the cafeteria in my office building today to buy lunch. They don"t really call it a cafeteria, but "The Station Break Cafe." Clever, right? I call it a cafeteria and always will. Since I sometimes try to watch my weight, I thought I"d better have a salad because I"ve had two bowls of ice cream this week

A Pile of Magazines

This morning, I was looking through the magazines in my office hoping to find an idea for something to say on '60 Minutes' next week. Sometimes I get an idea from the publications and sometimes I don't.

Japanese Earthquake Brings Back Sad Memories

I thought I would write about Japan today because, like most people in the world, my heart goes out to all its citizens. The world hopes that the devastation caused by the earthquake and tsunami will subside.

It's Becoming Too Expensive to Fly

If the major airlines don't stop nickel-and-diming the public with all sorts of new fees and fare increases potential passengers may consider using other modes of transportation. Air travel has become quite an unpleasant experience for a number of reasons

The Headlines Don't Grab Me

I'm looking for the headlines I find interesting, as well as those that don't interest me. I'm always interested in any headlines about the television business. The headlines that don't interest me are usually those in the business section. They always seem confusing to me. For the last few days, I've been collecting examples of headlines I don't understand or that seem confusing. Here's part of my list

The Case for Good Food and Bread

Last night, I couldn't get to sleep, and looking for something easy to think about while I was lying there, I got thinking about food. I enjoy thinking about food because I enjoy eating.

Food For Thought

We often eat dinner at restaurants in New York, and while there are several we go to repeatedly, we tend to go to a lot of different places. As in most big cities around the country, there are always new restaurants opening up -- more than I could ever try.

Lessons Learned

Mayor Michael Bloomberg of New York City has asked state legislators to repeal a law mandating that the last teachers hired are the first to be fired. Bloomberg insists that hiring and firing should be based on performance, not longevity. Is there anyone but a bad teacher who would disagree?

Looking at America

My Winter 'To Do' or 'Not To Do' Lists

When I got home from work last night, I thought to myself that I should think of something to write about for my column this week. I decided to make a list of all the things I have to do in my house this weekend. Because it's been snowing, raining or hailing for the last six weeks, I have either postponed or delayed doing most of the things on my to do list

A Little Warm Weather Sounds Nice About Now

Winter began about a month ago, and I'm starting to think of traveling somewhere warm to escape the cold for a while. Of course, if I went someplace tropical, I'd probably be too hot

It's Snowing Again!

Nothing reduces the whole world to the same level like snow. We're getting heavy snow in the Northeast these days and I love it. The day I'm writing this column it's snowing heavily outside. I don't know why, but we call both a lot of rain and a lot of snow 'heavy,' even though snow is sometimes fluffy and doesn't seem heavy, like rain

The Great Driving Machine

The automobile industry in this country seems to be getting back on its feet. In my driving lifetime -- between age 18 and the present -- I've owned a Hupmobile, a Durant, three Chryslers, two Packards, three Fords, six Jeeps, a Lexus, a Saab, a BMW and countless other cars that I can't name because I don't remember

There's Power in the Wind

The best thing I've read in several years is a story that in the near future we're going to be able to get lots of power from wind turbines planted offshore instead of burning coal and oil. I hope this technology becomes more popular because we're in desperate need of cheap power, and neither coal nor oil is cheap

I Hereby Resolve

Christmas has passed and I assume we're all ready to stop goofing off and get back down to work. I was so busy over Christmas that I never did get at making any resolutions for the New Year, but they're ready now. I hereby resolve

A Christmas To Remember!

The holidays are over, so it's time for all of us to concentrate on work, now! New Year's Eve was great, and Christmas is always a lot of fun in the Rooney household.

My Best Christmas Presents

What are the best Christmas presents you ever got? I was trying to recall my favorites. My parents gave me a Buddy-L truck that was strong enough for me to sit on when I was 5 or 6, and I can still remember everything about that truck. That was certainly one of my best presents ever

Transportation Wonders of the World

The inventions of mankind are amazing. There's no reason to be modest about what we've accomplished, especially in the field of transportation.

For the Love of the English Language

For most of my adult life I've made my living writing the English language. It's the one of the biggest and most diverse languages in the world, and I love it. I think it's the best language, but what do I know?

I Prefer My Preferences

Not many of us would admit it, but our preferences save us a great deal of time in our lives. We already know what we think about almost everything and we don't have to think it through again every time the subject comes up

What Do You Do With a Gift-Shop Gift?

If it came from a gift shop, please don't give it to me. There's a whole category of things that I don't want for Christmas and most of them come from gift shops

Some Thoughts On Money

I earn a lot more money now but it isn't as satisfying. I've never gotten over feeling rich if I have money in my pocket, but I don't carry what I did before I had much. Most of the money I used to carry was change, and it was heavier than bills. I think a single penny weighs more than a $100 bill

Life and Religion

There are something like 335,000 Christian churches in the United States, but I don't think many of these houses of worship are more than one quarter full on the days there are services. On Sundays, I think many of the parishioners would like to get home in time for the start of the football game

The Sporting Life

If you stop and think of all the things we've invented, you have to be pretty impressed with the human race. I'm not thinking now of the big things like airplanes or cars, for example, but even unimportant things -- sports like football, basketball and baseball

Familiar Names of People and Places

There are names of people and places that everyone is familiar with, and most of them have something special about them. It's unfair, I suppose, but the name sometimes affects our attitude toward a place or a person

A Master Mess Maker

Bragging is boring and rude, I know that, but I can't keep myself from saying that there's one thing I do better than almost anyone. I make a mess of things

There Are So Many Problems in the World

When I sit down to write a column, I often look through the newspaper, hoping to find an idea. It's tough sledding sometimes. I'm always amazed by how little I know about the world. I'm not proud to write this, but at least I'm honest. There's a lot to read about in the world and not enough time in the day for me to do that.

Familiar Names of People and Places

There are names of people and places that everyone is familiar with, and most of them have something special about them. We don't confuse them with anyone else. Their names are distinctive.

So Many Things, So Little Space

It seems as though the rooms we live in are getting smaller, with fewer places to store things, and the things we have to store are getting bigger and more numerous

Meaningful Numbers in My Life

I've read a lot of newspaper articles recently about inflation and deflation in this country and around the world. Then, for some reason, I woke up in the middle of the night and started thinking about how much things cost and all the numbers in my life that were so meaningful at one time

I Have Been Known to Save Things

I save things. I have clothes I haven't worn in years that are too good to throw away. I'm a woodworker and I have good wood boards out of which to make things that I never make anything out of. I just like to look at the wood. Since the 1930s, I've collected typewriters. I must have at least 20 typewriters in my office and in my home

Writing and Ditch Digging

When I sit down at my computer with a blank page on the screen, I often feel like going back to bed. Sometimes nothing comes to mind to write about. If you're a ditch-digger, you dig ditches whether you feel like it or not, and if you're a columnist you write a column whether you feel like it or not

The President's Residence

It doesn't make much sense but we've named a lot of the most important buildings around the world after their shape or appearance. Calling something 'white' doesn't mean much, but add the word 'house' and you've got what may be the most important building in the world: the White House.

Slow Train to Albany

The train ride from New York to Albany took three hours 50 years ago. Yesterday, with the miracles of computerized signal systems, a combination diesel-electric locomotive and millions of dollars worth of track improvements, it took me three hours and 28 minutes on an Amtrak train.

Things Not to Do Today

I started worrying about how much I had to do and how little of it I got done the previous day. It was at this moment that I had the thought that may change my life. I realized successful people are not any better than I am at doing things; they're better at not doing things I waste time doing.

Is There a Doctor Near My House?

Several years ago, I had a frank talk with my doctor. He's 10 years younger than I am, and I told him that there were things I expected of him, and one of those things was that I expected him to outlive me. I had no interest in breaking in new medical help

Desire is a Terrible Disease

I've had true love and a change of weather, but I've yearned for many more things over the years. Some I've had, some I haven't. Desire can drive you crazy and, more often than not, it makes no sense. The trick to happiness is adjusting your desire to the realities of your life, and that's hard. If you can't have what you want, it makes sense to want less

Things That Are True II

The following is a list of things I think are true

A Collection of Random Thoughts

When they're on vacation, columnists look for easy columns to write: Here are a few random thoughts and observations

Up In Smoke

There are two stories in the paper that make me mad. The first says American billionaires ought to donate half of everything they make to charity. Frankly, the capitalist system we have works best for the most people. The second story I don't agree with says the tax on a pack of cigarettes is going up $1.60.

Watching My Watch My Way

I wear my wristwatch with the face on the under side of my wrist because I like it that way. I find it easier to see and I'm used to it. A friend gave me the watch about 20 years ago. It still keeps perfect time and I have no intention of getting a new one. Wearing my watch under my wrist may be an affectation but it's my affectation and I like it.

The Tools of My Trade

"The tools of the trade" is a common phrase, and I've been looking around my office at the tools I use in my trade, writing.

Some Thoughts on Saving and Spending

Some people are good at throwing things away, but I save things. Saving things doesn't make sense because you hardly ever use what you save, but I can't help myself. I keep everything.

On the Job

There's a story in the newspaper that says a lot of people in Athens, Greece, are retiring when they're 50 years old, contributing to a massive debt crisis. The Greek government has determined that if you have a certain job which could have deleterious effects on your health, you have the right to retire at 50 with your full pension.

Money Makes People Jittery

My newspaper this morning has a headline that reads: INVESTORS GET JITTERY ON A GLOBAL SCALE. Really? I'm an investor. Small time, I suppose, but I'm not jittery. To tell you the truth, I read the sports pages and the Page One news each morning before I read what happened to my stocks and bonds and the news on Wall Street

How Times Have Changed

No one is honest with us about time. For an example, when an airline tells you how long a flight will be they should be made to count the minutes and hours from the time they say you have to be at the airport, to the time the plane lands and you go into the terminal.

I've Been Thinking About Women in Government

President Obama named Elena Kagan the new Supreme Court nominee. It's taken a long time, but the reluctance to appointing women to high government offices seems to be a thing of the past. It's my opinion -- which I reveal reluctantly -- that there are things men do better than women and things women do better than men. However, I don't think there's any difference when it comes to judges

Charity is Never Easy

If you have your health, some happiness, a job, a place to live and some money in the bank, you don't need help. At least twice a week, I feel guilty as I drop some letter asking for a contribution into the little wicker wastebasket next to my chair.

Bits and Pieces in My Mind

The Weather Brings Back Pleasant Memories

The warmer weather we have now is more bearable than it used to be because of the things we've invented. Our houses have been heated one way or another for centuries, but air conditioning is a relatively recent invention. I don't know why it's not called "cooling" instead of "conditioning," but there may never have been an invention better than air conditioning.

Before You Ask for the Key to a City...

It's kind of nice that most Americans who live in a city are proud of it. They like their city and they want the rest of the world to like it, too. New York is the only exception.

View on the News (04/2010)

I hope you won't think I'm being falsely modest when I tell you that I think I have average intelligence. Sometimes when I read the newspaper, I worry about myself -- specifically about my brain. If I have average intelligence, why is there so much in the paper every day that confuses me? I looked at some stories in the newspaper to make my point.